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  #1  
Old 2004-04-19, 18:14
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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A Haunting Laugh

Shred, you're going to hate me for this, but this is completely unrhymed, and it follows no pattern whatsoever, but i wrote it while i was mad so...

Why do you cling to me?
Why do your hands grasp my collar, pulling me down.
Become unattached, let me go; let me live.
Next time you see me, I'll be scorning you, mocking you.
I spit in your pretty, upturned face.
You beg me not to do what I have to.
You said the only thing that hurts more than a shot in the back
was a stab in the heart;
I tell you to prepare to hurt.
You will fall to your knees in agony,
You will writhe in pain,
As your blood coats my hands,
I laugh at your destructionn, rejoice in your demise.
All your plans failed to come to fruition;
Only because i stopped them.
My body is mine own; you will never take it from me again.
There is no more me and you; we are finished.
I warned you; I told you of the future;
I accurately portrayed exactly what would happen.
You would call after me and I would turn my back;
Leave you cold and unsatisfied.
Yet as you called, something was pulled inside of me.
I turned back and saw the hope on your face;
That face that has haunted my dreams these past eighteen months.
I drew close to you, and as I wrapped my arms around you,
I drew my blade. I told you to be still; to not worry.
Her blood covered my arms, purifying my heart by its stain.
Her blood flowed freely, exiting through the pathway my knife made.
I dropped her broken body on the floor;
Leaving it for the unwanted ones to defile.
I sang to myself as I walked away;
Composing this song in my head.
In my room I bowed down, cleansing myself from her stench.
The fires raged around me as I washed.
When I had finished, I lay down on the hard stone floor;
Letting the fire consume me; burn my body.
It burned itself out,
And nothing was left except for a few smoldering ends of my bones.
My spirit wandered over the earth,
haunting troubled souls; disturbing the sane
All I touched shriveled and died, unable to live with themselves;
And I Laughed.

I read over that a couple days ago and found that it's pretty terrifying.

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  #2  
Old 2004-04-20, 00:02
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timedragon timedragon is offline
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I pictured the whole scene as i read... I saw it all... and it was unexpected. But the surprise was good. Just when i thought you had given in, the whole thing turned around. i liked it
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  #3  
Old 2004-04-20, 05:59
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I got a problem withit. When you talked about the burning parts it was a stone floor and they aren't normally combustible. Thus the fire wouldn't touch you unless it was from walls that were flammable. I had to get intothe intricacies of it cuz that was about all I found. It was okay. Reminded me through most of it of something from the forensic shows I watch about love gone bad with some imagery of dark shadowed thought. SOrt of even had that telltake heart thing going on, too , with her being in the mind of the murderer consistently. Your wording ad all was good. Very understandable, but I'm old and it wasn't that terrifying to me.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #4  
Old 2004-05-18, 02:33
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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wow. I'm sorry I did that to you. I didn't want to ever bring you down. you know me and you know that I would never try to do that to you. I'm sorry you want to kill me. errr wanted. anywho, sounds like stuff I used to write. You are the one that asked to be friends again. I kind of wish I hadn't read this.
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  #5  
Old 2004-05-18, 06:05
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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What he didn't tell ya was that you were reincarnated as Gamarra , the flying, spinning Japanese turtle that hung out with Godzilla , and you took over Tokyo.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #6  
Old 2004-05-18, 07:08
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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ya-huh

Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
What he didn't tell ya was that you were reincarnated as Gamarra , the flying, spinning Japanese turtle that hung out with Godzilla , and you took over Tokyo.


ooo gamarra is SUCH a great movie! naw I already took over tokyo.
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  #7  
Old 2004-05-18, 07:45
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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reply

A reply. This is probably what I would have written iffen (invented word don't ask) I had read this when I was still bitter.

Opera silence.

I've been sitting like this all day
my legs have been numb for hours
maybe they'll fall off
18 months wasted
18 months a lesson
and it still stagnates on the carpet
the words you left stained and burned
and spilled like blood
from your beautiful lips contradictory and cold
the lips I brought to my own
to kiss and taste and know more
on that face that captivated my simplicity for what seemed like it might be forever.
Yes
I saw it approach
the stark horizon made it clear
the inevitable was upon us
My pain threshhold wavered and the cut was slow and came in phases.
the skin
the tips of my nerves
julien tomatoes
pouring once my veins were intruded and upset.
everything tastes like burnt popcorn soft and angry,
bitter and hollow
lightbulbs burst and spin electric reality into my brain
you left me to be defiled
so I soaked up attention (like a sponge soaks up moisture
when its shoved down your throat)
from every man or boy with lips that wanted
when you thought that you were divine
,you were divine
until (it was ironic)
you blamed the staleness on the invisible
God doesn't give up subtlety until passion gets stale and your heartbeat slows until you hear Him
he shouts from the beginning.
and it broke me
splinters in a paper cut
to hear you say it
it tore me into pieces
my eyes drained the ocean
until there was nohing left
it was quiet and the desert took hold
Moving on was easy
(shock drains you of feeling, let the fluid flow back)
your excuse was asinine, the reason was too.
Infantile, peurile, fucking immature
we were babies and we still are.
Snow fell on my cheek
froze everything for you
and shattered it
I have a fresh love for someone else,
he doesn't ask for anything but my happiness and I ask nothing else of him and I'm happy
I would die to live in him
to be the air he breathes
and the walls that watch him
the blood in his veins
My heart is sore and broken
but band-aids help he process
a spoonful of sugar
I will be ok.
I'll remember you
and pity you
when he holds me
with trust and life in his eyes
(not like the death and misery that consumes you now)
he doesn't have to profess his love for me.
I feel it and it shakes my bones
and my ears are full of the sounds of it
it sounds solid wood
its quiet and it roars with an
opera silence
the scent of it covers me like water
my skin tingles
and I feel.
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hi my name is whitney, but you can call me Scrumptious
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  #8  
Old 2004-05-18, 15:06
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BLS BLS is offline
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only one thing you can do now.... kill yourself
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  #9  
Old 2004-05-18, 17:03
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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oh, dude, i see now. love ya BLS. that's great. sorry pineapple, that comment by BLS was just too perfect.
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Crying from the womb, I知 hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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  #10  
Old 2004-05-18, 18:26
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Oh, I understand the feeling. Sometimes it works again and sometimes not. I'm living proof of that. It had some imaginative moments and was more than a you screwed me so I screwed ya back verse so I guess it was okay. It was longer than a haiku though.


I HAVE to say something about that line though. I just about got a live giggle when I read..."everything tastes like burnt popcorn soft and angry,". All I could think of was --everything tastes like burnt popcorn fatty rolled of seeds....I'm sorry I just had ta say that. I don't do that no more, but I remember!
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #11  
Old 2004-05-18, 19:56
ShredIsNotDead ShredIsNotDead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dying-oath
Shred, you're going to hate me for this, but this is completely unrhymed, and it follows no pattern whatsoever, but i wrote it while i was mad so...




hahahaha no its alright man. Im just happy now that you referred to me , but oh well it had a nice flow, things dont always need to rhyme. For some reason I really like it though, it sounds a bit like black dahlia murder lyrics. Gruesome, but in the end it has something like "and i laughed", which makes it interesting
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  #12  
Old 2004-05-18, 21:58
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Cybris Cybris is offline
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wow, dying oath, u need to look for a publisher, however the what seems like relationship between u and pineapple seems like it turned into a "i love you" one. i know the feeling, and it sucks, dated a girl for 3 months and she said she fell in love with me but saying i love u bak is one of the worst things to come out of a persons mouth unless u really mean it but that wont happen untill u meet someone who doesn't rip ur heart out...
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  #13  
Old 2004-05-19, 01:34
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by dying-oath
oh, dude, i see now. love ya BLS. that's great. sorry pineapple, that comment by BLS was just too perfect.


yes it was. I love cynicism. < and that thing is friggin cool!
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  #14  
Old 2004-05-19, 01:37
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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Question

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cybris
wow, dying oath, u need to look for a publisher, however the what seems like relationship between u and pineapple seems like it turned into a "i love you" one. i know the feeling, and it sucks, dated a girl for 3 months and she said she fell in love with me but saying i love u bak is one of the worst things to come out of a persons mouth unless u really mean it but that wont happen untill u meet someone who doesn't rip ur heart out...



ahem it was an overated relationship and we took it for more than it was. we've said some things that were cruel and some things that were asinine but I think we're over the bitterness or at least I am.

BTW: Rob, did you tell me to come to this site cuz you wanted me to read this particular piece?
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  #15  
Old 2004-05-19, 14:30
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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"BTW: Rob, did you tell me to come to this site cuz you wanted me to read this particular piece?" no, definitely not. just everything in general. it's awesome, i'm finally among people who actually understand me.
"ahem it was an overated relationship and we took it for more than it was. we've said some things that were cruel and some things that were asinine but I think we're over the bitterness or at least I am. " that doesn't mean it shouldn't be published! Cybris, you're awesome dude.
and Shred, check out i think it's "My tears fall dry" or something like that, it might me"my tears fall empty" i'm not sure which, but there's your rhyming for you. i'm not sure i would classify it as rhyming but more as repetition. it's still pretty cool.
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Crying from the womb, I知 hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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  #16  
Old 2004-05-20, 04:29
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Pineappleystuff Pineappleystuff is offline
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it should very much be published. I was just asking about your intentions, but those are clear now so go eat some lasagna.
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hi my name is whitney, but you can call me Scrumptious
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  #17  
Old 2004-05-20, 14:09
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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huh? yeah, i usually try to keep my intentions pretty straight up and clear.
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Crying from the womb, I知 hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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