Thread: Movies
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Old 2011-10-19, 10:35
Paddy Paddy is offline
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Try one of these instead:

If you imagine a parody movie where the actors are intentionally hamming it up for comic effect, and then imagine that the actors in question don't realise they're in a parody movie and have been cast by the studio out of sheer cruelty, you've got Hellraiser 9. It is definitely one of the worst films I've ever seen, there is nothing good about any of it. Even the gore - which might have made it worth watching despite everything else - is really low-rent and cheap. They didn't even bother using a second, skinnier actor to portray the skinless version of the primary actor, they just piled the latex onto the same actor and he gains about 2 inches of girth as a result regardless of the fact he's been skinned.

All of the Cenobites look like they're in a shitty commercial for a new line of Halloween costumes. Pinhead's actor is fucking awful; he looks retarded, sounds retarded and acts like a retard who's retarded. His attempt at a British accent and his delivery of his lines is so very, very bad that if you close your eyes you'd swear you were watching an episode of South Park in which Pinhead has a speaking role and is voiced by Matt Stone.

The vagrant who supplies the box to the two main characters is so funny that I had to pause the movie twice during his scenes because I was laughing too hard to see or hear what was going on.

The script - written by the guy who does the special effects (!!!) - is the worst I've ever encountered. I've heard more credible dialogue in Prisoner on Cell Block H, and I'm not even joking.

Just watch it. It has to be seen to be believed. There are budgetless fan movies on YouTube that are infinitely better, and that's saying something.

Having said all of that, I watched the movie right to the end, and I laughed my ass off throughout, so at least it's enjoyable on some perverted level. Hellworld, the previous Hellraiser in the series, was fucking awful too but it had the added problem of pissing me off and making me wish I was dead. Revelations just left me mildly dehydrated from the laughter-induced tears.
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