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Old 2011-09-26, 14:13
Hugozhor Hugozhor is offline
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Czech republic (Prag)
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
The only nit I could find was in the line "´till your conscience be…put to the daily tests." I'm assuming there's a pause after the "be" before continuing the next phrase, but it doesn't sound right. Even if you added another word after that, I don't think "be" would fit. If you changed it to "is" there, it would not only sound better, but it would fall into the phrase after the pause better. Just thoughts.
This piece had a great natural rhythm going in it, and seems to introduce a new phase in the story.

Yeah. You´re right "..." means pause
Alright I´ll change "be" to "is"

Thank you for your advice.
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