Thread: Let down
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Old 2011-09-03, 09:55
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Pr0az Pr0az is offline
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,924
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Is the last line typoed somehow?

"The piper finally came to collect,
Damn what a debt.
The words we spoke must have come with interest,
Cause these emotions are relentless."

Them's some fine lines there, bud.

4, 5, and 6 in the second stanza were iffy reading them, but might be okay in a song. They just seemed like something thrown in for rhymes' sake.

Thanks LB.

As for the typo yes and no. I wanted to attempt to show the word would be said quickly at that very point making more of a rhyme with "you".

Lines 4, 5, and 6 in stanza two were actually not put in for rhymes' sake. Thought they were pretty decent lines with some flow. However, after you pointed them out, they do seem to be lacking. Have to work on them some.
“Remember to live, eat, sleep and breathe music for the mind, play from your heart and never be swayed by the current trends.” ~Rusty Cooley
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