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Old 2011-07-27, 03:45
Hugozhor Hugozhor is offline
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Czech republic (Prag)
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Okay. For the line with "unknowledges" would this work? -
Time after time all unknowns
Were burnt

I thought the line "Obey work pay die" was how you described it. If you want those to be more forceful I'd punctuate it with the exclamations right in the piece.

Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
Obey! work! pay! die! -is all life is (or - is all life)
All are satisfied - I reworded this for clarity, but tried to keep the same rhythm going.

I'm glad to help out. When you're writing from a translation or directly in another language sometimes the wording can be awkward for those that speak that language so I'm trying to help you bridge the two.

I used what fits to melody. Thank you.
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