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Old 2011-07-26, 03:48
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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The second stanza, second stanza -

To (be) drowning in sadness?


Is it so usual
Drowning in sadness?

If you use the second one it doesn't mess up the rhythm by adding the extra word.

The only other place I can see is -
Questions another whys

Questions - more whys
Questions constant whys
Questions always whys

That can be fiddled with to fit and still get your meaning across.

Other than that it's a self reflective piece that seems to be working over life's hurdles that one can either sink into or eventually rise above. Nice job.
My eldest son's bipolar website:

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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