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Old 2011-07-26, 02:55
Hugozhor Hugozhor is offline
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Czech republic (Prag)
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
That's cool. I'll try to come close to what you're saying in your lyrics, but if I miss the mark let me know.

Iīm just a shadow of a child
I used to be
All beatiful insideīs been - All beauty inside has been
broken by years

Even though you slur to make it sound like "inside's" it reads easier with the word "has" there. It's not a good contraction to use, but if you want to keep it there that's okay. I see why.

I leave this as it is īcause of a melody flow.

Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Everyday there was something new
To see and learn
Time after time all unknowledges
Were burnt
-Can you clarify what you mean by "unknowledges?" I don't think that's a word.

This verse means when youīre young you learn everyday something new and get everyday a new knowledge. Then you learned everything and nothing new is waiting for you, nothing knowledge to get, so it means all "unknowledges" are gone (were burnt).

Maybe there should be "all unknown is burnt"

Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
When has it happened - When did it happen or What has happened - if either of those fit your meaning.
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game
- Do you mean "The change shattered All my life and broke my game?"

Yeah. Exactly. I will edit it.

Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
I donīt wanna be
I donīt wanna be an adult since now - an adult anymore
I donīt wanna see
I donīt wanna see the world goes down - the world go down or the world sink down?

"an adult anymore" doesnīt fit to melody.
"The world go down" is ok.

Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
Obey work pay die is life with
We all satisfied
-The last 2 lines are a little unclear. Could you explain them a little more?

It means "Obey!" "Work!" "Pay!" "Die!" are commands we are given in our lives nothing more like fun or "do what you like" and we are even satisfy with this life.

Thank you for your great advices that lead me to my improvement
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