View Single Post
  #12  
Old 2011-07-25, 13:35
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
That's cool. I'll try to come close to what you're saying in your lyrics, but if I miss the mark let me know.

Iīm just a shadow of a child
I used to be
All beatiful insideīs been - All beauty inside has been
broken by years


Even though you slur to make it sound like "inside's" it reads easier with the word "has" there. It's not a good contraction to use, but if you want to keep it there that's okay. I see why.

Everyday there was something new
To see and learn
Time after time all unknowledges
Were burnt

-Can you clarify what you mean by "unknowledges?" I don't think that's a word.

Bridge:
When has it happened - When did it happen or What has happened - if either of those fit your meaning.
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game
- Do you mean "The change shattered All my life and broke my game?"

I used to live in my free world
With no cares
Of the god called money that rules
Everywhere

Iīve never really thought that
My soul could bleed
That I would ever meet with
All lies and greed

-Nice flow to that stanza.

Bridge:
When has it happened
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I donīt wanna be
I donīt wanna be an adult since now - an adult anymore
I donīt wanna see
I donīt wanna see the world goes down - the world go down or the world sink down?

Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
Obey work pay die is life with
We all satisfied
-The last 2 lines are a little unclear. Could you explain them a little more?

Bridge:
When has it happened
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I donīt wanna lose
I donīt wanna lose sweet innocence
I donīt wanna feel
I donīt wanna feel blood of childhood on my hands


I hope that helps out a little bit.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote