View Single Post
  #9  
Old 2011-07-25, 05:45
Hugozhor Hugozhor is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Czech republic (Prag)
Posts: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Another singable piece, but one verse threw it off for me.

But there is undying doubt
If light burns like fire -Those two lines flow well.
Then fire just can warm either - This line is where it falls off.
And might take you higher - I'm not sure if this line weakens the verse since the previous line is unclear.

Just a little to consider to polish your song.


You´re right again about the line where it falls.
I can´t figure out another line. Any advice?
Thank you.
Reply With Quote