2011-07-24, 04:59
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,834
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Another singable piece, but one verse threw it off for me.
But there is undying doubt
If light burns like fire -Those two lines flow well.
Then fire just can warm either - This line is where it falls off.
And might take you higher - I'm not sure if this line weakens the verse since the previous line is unclear.
Just a little to consider to polish your song.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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