You'll be glad of my text walls when the blacks try to take over.

I agree, if by "laconic" you mean "a penis face".

Weird, I felt a tiny twinge of guilt for that unprovoked if hilariously accurate dickism, whereas all previous conversations with you have just left me wishing I was illiterate. Does this mean...I...like you?

Hell no, ya fuckin' Je...ahh...it hurts...fuck, that tears it - I'm in love with you. I'd scream it from the rooftops if I wasn't so afraid of outside places.

How the fuck did that happen?