* Most Irritating Member:
You. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, ya cunt.
* Least Irritating N00b:
I can only assume "noob" is short for "Nubian", in which case it'd have to be Chris, pretty much by default.
* Everyone's Favorite Little Bitch:
There are people here whom I consider little bitches
, but by virtue of them being
little bitches I almost certainly don't have a favourite, no more than I have a favourite venereal disease (syphilis).
* Most Unreasonable Nazi Arsehole:
The only banning/suspending to have taken place for a long time was when I handed Dysentery his own ring-anus to him skewered on a hot dog which was also his thin penis. So I guess it'd have to be johncumley.
* Most attractive:
If I'm ever in the mood to be fucked by Sam from I Am Sam
JoeYngVai would be top of my list of candidates. Not only does he look like the completely fuckable Sean Penn, but he's also a slavering retard which makes oral sex just fantastic. Unfortunately he's not a mod, so I'll just have to remain celibate until he's promoted to a mod position, preferably one which was made vacant by the sudden and extremely violent death of MetalThrashingMad (SHE'S MINE, BACK OFF YA BIG FUCKER YA).
* Best Avatar:
Bobbi's, because it reminds us where "our troops" actually come from and better informs us in our decision about whether or not to support them.
* Best Signature:
Like PST I have also chosen Dylan's, because of the sweet edits I've made to it. Second prize goes to Bobbi's, because it features me at my most profound.
* The "Where Are They Now?" Award, for the most conspicuous absence:
Chris, definitely. Everyone else who was a regular and has now fucked off doesn't even enter my consciousness, but Chris' absence has left me empty, hollow and empty. More importantly his absence, and the lack of friendship we share as a result, has also left me without plausible deniability when someone calls me a racist. I just hope Dylan remains an active member so my raging homophobia continues to go unchallenged.
* The Keyballs Award, for biggest gap between online machismo and real life:
PST. He doesn't act macho in the traditional sense, but he makes up for his lack of physical prowess by paraphrasing large sections of his Ladybird Book of Cooking
in order to pass them off as his own and score chef points off of poor culinary spastics like me.
* Most likely to go to hell:
Bobbi. Much like in the mafia, if you vouch for someone who turns out to be a rat you get whacked along with him. Bobbi has put in so many good words for me with the big guy that she's gonna be in hell long before they even begin to process my paperwork.
And the Big Ones:
* Best Flaming of 2010:
Wolfsherz's cystitis. It's especially awesome because he got it from his girlfriend, and it's even more awesomer because she got it from me. Not via sexual coitus; I just decided to lend her my Burt Reynolds signature toilet seat
without washing it first. To be fair, it wasn't clean when I unscrewed it from the toilet of a swimming bath in Belfast either. Not sure what I was doing there, I just woke up with a bleeding anus and decided to use the toilet seat as a cum-shield and to fend off moustached body-builders as I made my escape, and the rest is [Wolfsherz's medical]
* Biggest Cunt:
All yo mamas', because my willy is massive. I know what you're thinking, especially if you're PST, "but that's just a slight variation on PST's one!" But the thing you have to remember is that you're a cunt. Not as big as yo mamma's, but a cunt is a cunt, and you're definitely an "a", therefore you're a cunt. I'm sure Mansley will explain my workings, but suffice it to say that you're definitely a cunt.