Thread: Beheading
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Old 2010-06-24, 13:04
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Yea, well, I didn't mean like something cheerful; just fiddle around with the number of syllables until you find something where you could, if you wanted, just read the whole thing through in a single breath without any forced pauses anywhere.
Just as a quick example, take the first line of the second verse and change it just a little to:
What kind of man betrays his clan?
Read it while tapping your foot and feel the difference between clan and empire - with clan you can in a quite natural way imagine hitting cymbal or something at the end. While empire takes you to "... betrays his em", -pire straggling along in the rear.
Like I said, take it or leave, just some things that I think lead to the best types of lyrics!

As for artistic value, I think the chorus and the second last verse shows the most possible potential. They hint at something a little beyond the simplistic description of what's going on. For example
"They call me swine and so I act the part"
gives just a little more dimension to the main character. That's what I like anyway. Incidentally, that one has some of the flowy feeling I was talking about.

In any case, thumbs up in general on the songs.
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