Thread: Beheading
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Old 2010-06-24, 02:24
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
It's not a style of lyrics I'm overly fond of, just as a personal observation. Then I wanted to ask, is English your first language? Just that there's a couple of linguistic question marks and I wanted to be sure so that I'll comment on them in the right way.
This next point is also very much a matter of personal preference, but it might be a tip you can have use of, who knows. I think the rhythm of the lyrics, especially in the verses before the chorus, is quite lacking. When writing lyrics, I think it's a good idea to try reading them out loud and see if you can do it with a natural humpty-dumpty feeling, if you see what I mean. Gives them a flow and raises the quality many times over.

That said, the music and vocal performance does light years more for me than the lyrics themselves. Pretty good actually, I'll take the time to listen to some more of your material.
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal

"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
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"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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