Fuck Me 'til I Fart
My anus has haemorrhaged and oh what a pity
I've lost two pints of blood and your cock is smellin' shitty
You've got this bowel-thumpin' down to a fine art
Push it in, pull it out, fuck me 'til I fart.
Slippy slippy slippy slippy slippy slippy slip
Pump me like a Super Soaker™ with your massive bulbous tip
Feed me generous lengths of your clotted corned-beef
Pump it up, mash my guts, fuck me 'til I queef.
Form a suction cup with your stinking, oily end
Press it against my gaping ring and let our milks blend
Pull it out, lick it up and let me hear those slurps
Fist my floppy meatsack until the fucker burps.
Fill my witch's cauldron with your chunky chicken soup
Get a straightened coat-hanger and fish out the lumps of poop
Kiss the back of my neck as you tear my hole apart
Come back again this time tomorrow and fuck me 'til I fart.
© Paddy "Do You Smell Ham?" McCockery 2010.
I was inspired to write this after I spent an hour-and-a-half on my bathroom floor trying to ease a banana into my rectum without it bursting (the banana, that is). No matter how slick with spit or how far from being ripe the fruit is I can never quite manage to get it up there, and I'm far too modest and decent to actually buy a dildo. I guess I should be proud of the fact that I have a tight virgin hole, but pride doesn't make my cock squirt buttermilk, leaving me drooling and twitching like a freshly-tasered cerebral palsy sufferer.
Thanks for reading. If you have an erection/wet twat by the end, email me; we have much to discuss.