Thread: Fall
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Old 2010-05-01, 12:01
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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It seems a little different from your usual style and content. It seemed a little rough in a couple places, but it might be the language thing.
Some bench you sat down and never left - could use "down on" or "sat on" so it doesn't seem the bench was placed there instead of a behind. From the rest of the context I understand that's what's meant.
This was the other line I wasn't sure of -
"It's always a matter of now read on"

The feather image just seems to float scene by scene as a constant idea that randomly lilts around.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
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