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Old 2010-03-26, 23:31
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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It certainly does gain from being read while some Genesis is playing in the background. It feels like a moment, so to speak; just a moment of reflection on both good and bad. Conveying more of a feeling, rather than trying to write something on the nose of the reader. A quite nice effect is to first read the whole thing and then just the sequence Dream - Wake - And stop - Touch - Ever. To nitpick a little there though - is "And stop" a continuation of the line before or does it stand on its own? In the other verses the last line feels more like a sort of summation, and as such I think it disrupts the look of the thing with that "And". A minor detail.
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