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Old 2010-03-01, 09:22
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
Not entirely my cup of tea literature wise, but I can certainly see it fit in a collection of short stories and I think it has a good balance between content and brevity; there's not much in the way of redundant wording. I also appreciate the way you can read a bit of social commentary into it, but it's not something that's forced at you.
All in all, this is a genre and form of writing I think you should keep on exploring.
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal

"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan

"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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