I could sample the satisfying wet sound you hear as a freshly baked turd is slowly and steadily sliding out of its meat-sheath, and couple that with the plopping sound you hear as a stray nugget breaks free from the main body of the chocolate forearm and descends into Davy Jones' U-Bend.

OR, better still, I could slap a baby and record the ensuing court case.

What do you think?