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Old 2008-07-03, 08:06
Nemesis9 Nemesis9 is offline
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 92
alright, i'll try commenting (but i'm not that good at songwriting yet)

what i like about the first riff is, that it is the most remarkable one, probably the one, which is easiest remembered. it is is also quite aggressive. what i didn't like so much is, that it seems too short for me. i guess i would prefere, if you would stretch it to 2 bars, which some alternations in the second one- maybe something like this (the single notes being 32th, if this is still playable):

------------------------------=-------------------------------
------------------------------=-------------------------------
------------------------------=-------------------------------
------------------------------=-------------------------------
-3-4-3---3-4-4-5-4-4--4-5-=-3-4-3---3-4-4----3-----5--
-1-2-1---1-2-2-3-2-2--2-3-=-1-2-1---1-2-2--111--333--

plus you could try around a bit with accents and breaks, in order to make the riff more rocking

the second riff somehow sounds like a happy march to me. not bad, but if it is a verse riff or something than the other parts should be more evil and i thought it could sound more wicked if you could do a b5 instead of the 5 from time to time (first fret on 5th string instead of 2nd) - but it also might sound shitty, since i haven't tried it out

next comes the sliding thing, my favorite part of the song. great riff, rocks a lot and has a nice melody

as for the ending: it is ok, but a bit boring - maybe you could spice it up somehow

all in all, i like the song a lot, it's really cool. it's far better than anything i ever came up with myself. it's rather simple yet, so there are probably some possibilities to spice it, but it already rocks a lot

hope i could help

ps: i can't open the file from your first post
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