this is my first post, i have just joined a band as a vocalist and was wonderin what you think of my writing i need practice i no. can u give me any tips?

barriers of skin

voices of irrational thought
tempt me beyond my reason
cut you deep within
stay between the lines
dig through barriers of skin

you have felt my blade
now you know my name
you are all the same
insecure nonentity
scrape the flesh from your bones
you are all the same
and togeather you will
decompose

i have preped your lungs
for unconcious screaming
i find your lack of dismembered
limbs unpleasing...
to your face i take this hatchet
bones and limbs are separated
mounds of flesh disregarded
this is all your fault

so sleep...
so sound
untill..
blood on your lungs
disturbs
your peacefulness

the encounter is swift
but the message firm
expected yet unwelcomed
eyes on me can burn


thats it. let me know what you thought. i know its not the greatest, but im trying to learn.
so if anyone could give me some tips or pointers or suggestion for this song plez feel free.

__________________