Thread: Angry
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Old 2005-06-04, 06:47
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
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I'm not pushing my religious views on you. Just mentioning that.
Anyways, I can see the use of profanity because it seems very spontaeous writing. Really getting the stuff out. But I think if you were to do it without all the "f" words you'd have broader audience appeal. It's a very typical feeling for teens to feel this way and actually the need for independence and respect are normal. Sometimes it just doesn't seem to fit right for awhile though.
You're phrasing and order was good. What I would like to see in this if you extend it are some things you want out of the relationship and feelings you have. Maybe some solutions, too. If this is written from the heart you may get to know yourself better. If it's written in character from another's point of view, the character will develop more, too. Everyone doesnt' always write from their own standpoint, but this one just seems to.
I'll shut up now.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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