Hahahacute, I had to read it twice to get the end. I was hoping she would be eaten but ha, weird twist you wrote. I don't see any problems either. The "canivore of the deep," now that's a keeper....or should I say creeper. If it wasn't taking place in water, that would sound badass if about the dead ground, tee hee. This would be A LOT better, if you make it rhyme and a rhythm too. With that twist at the end...so evil, but if it had rhyme and rhythm, it would make it even eviler because of the "childish" nature a rhyme would give it. oooOOooo, yeah.

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