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-   -   "Breathless" -thx 4 reading (http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6674)

L,B'XXX 2003-06-20 17:09

"Breathless" -thx 4 reading
 
I'm going through a dead phase right now poetically but I thought I'd post this piece for you to comment on. I think I've had so much on my mind lately a flurry of words will come out one of these days. At least I'm hoping it will. Anyways, thanks for reading .

"Breathless"

Where can I find my peace inside?
There's a burden unable to be lifted
Like a raging wave hurling across the ocean
That crashes and breaks on a distant shore.
I feel strength and yet my hands tremble
As if I've lifted a mountain with bare hands
And can carry no more.
Breath that I feel at the eye of inner vision.
Air to the very cortex of my brain.
So deep that my soul begs for it for life.
Sneering at the world distastefully.
Wanting nothing more than to take
And mold to my own dimensions
The desires that haunt even as I dream.
I want no more then to calm this storm,
To walk among the shells in the aftermath
That will wash upon the shore.
But the tides have no end.

BJH

powersofterror 2003-06-20 19:56

you should write a book in your eldest years, you are a pretty decent poet.

L,B'XXX 2003-06-21 15:44

Why bless your heart ! Thank you so much ! That was a terrific surprise! :)
I think I'll post one I wrote today....but it's funny.
Thanks again.

powersofterror 2003-06-21 17:43

just something to think about...don't get ahead of yourself though,
you can speak through poetry well, but everyday gossip is a little
ya know...:p. you should just let it come when it comes.

pick a feeling and expand it beyond what is normally understood.
i don't know if that makes sense but that's what i try to do.
i use pain and death to my advantage.

L,B'XXX 2003-06-22 02:23

Oh yeah, I know. I haven't written anything much for more than a month , but my mind has been elsewhere between work and Wally and other stuff going on. It's been hectic. I'm reading a cool book on meter though because one of the things I've always wanted to do is have a published book. I had pieces in the newspaper locally many years ago, but nothing recently submitted. Although a friend did send a piece to a veteran's magazine. (I thought that was cool.)
No, you can't force it or it will sound forced.
As for gossip? If they're talking they're paying attention. :) I don't ever try to incriminate myself though. Controversy has its advantages.
Like you said you do, this piece is about an inner pain I feel. Sometimes it really gets to me.
I've written some about Wally but this isn't one of those. I usually say when they are. This is a totally different subject.


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