The Chicken Song
 

Paddy, you asked for it with all your chicken talk.

"The Chicken Song"

I was walking down the road one day
The sun was shining bright
A farmer's truck was broken down-
And the farmer was in sight

He had a load of chickens
And some pens had toppled down
So I ran to help him
As they ran all around

The feathers were a-flyin'
And the cacklin' made a din
The farmer said, "I can't believe
This mess I've gotten in.

I appreciate your helping me.
Glad to see you, I'll admit.
Would you grab my cock and pullet?"
I paled and passed out, sure as shit.

He said, "Grab my cock and pullet
Firm but gently as you can
So you have complete control.
I'd be a happy man.
Just the right manuevers
And the task will have success.
Grab my cock and pullet
And you'll relieve all my distress."

We got the creatures in their pens
And we felt really clever.
We had been successful
In our current endeavor.

So we hopped into the farmer's truck
And delivered without retort.
Then went to the ole "Blue Cow"
To have ourselves a snort.

His friends asked him why his duds
Were in such disarray.
He told them of the chickens-
How some tried to run away.

"But this lady asked how to aide me
And that's how it did begin.
I said, grab my cock and pullet."
And they all began to grin.

Then he thanked me for my efforts
And gave me a ride back home.
He gave me his address in case
I found myself alone.

I gave him my phone number
In case the fowl's pens capsizes.
I said, "I'll grab your cock and pullet
Any time the need arises."

He said, "Grab my cock and pullet
Firm but gently as you can
So you have complete control.
I'd be a happy man.
Just the right manuevers
And the task will have success.
Grab my cock and pullet
And you'll relieve all my distress."

BJH

Hahaha genius. 5/5, 10/10, two thumbs up and a massive, untameable erection.

This is genuinely funny and well-written. This HAS to be put to music.

Thanks. I'm rather proud of this one.

Wanna try writing a tune? Something besides armpit would be preferred.

I could sample the satisfying wet sound you hear as a freshly baked turd is slowly and steadily sliding out of its meat-sheath, and couple that with the plopping sound you hear as a stray nugget breaks free from the main body of the chocolate forearm and descends into Davy Jones' U-Bend.

OR, better still, I could slap a baby and record the ensuing court case.

What do you think?

I think a baby slapping you and the court case would fit the song better. I kinda like the banjo idea. Maybe a jug and some spoons.

Well, to put it simply:
Hahahahahahahaha!

Amadeus, does this rank up there with "Pizza of Terror?" :) Glad you liked it.

Well no, Pizza is a notch or two higher, but that doesn't change the fact that this is pretty funny.
Oh yea, I can hear the banjo... and the nasal whining of a folk songs singer... and the ka-ching of a smash hit... and...