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Last Man Standing 2009-04-27 16:23

Carnage is his strategy
To make a holocaust, his dreams
He will annihilate you

He wants to obliterate you
Your entire nation
Nation of you

It's genocide,genocide,genocide,...

It's deliberate
It's gonna be catastrophic
But you will exctinct
You will exctinct

It's genocide,genocide,genocide,...

Just a litlle something i wrote... Comment!!!

Wolfsherz 2009-04-28 01:19

I assume you're talking about "THE" Holocaust. They didn't yet have a nation when that happened.

L,B'XXX 2009-04-28 08:47

Even if you're not being specific to an event whether it's fictional or fact it just doesn't have enough bones to make it stand on it's own. It needs a little more depth so it will make it memorable.

Last Man Standing 2009-04-28 09:37

yes i agree with you L,B' me with those bones man...tell me what should i add or me make it memorable..thanx...

L,B'XXX 2009-04-28 11:03

You have carnage as his strategy in the first stanza so you might describe how that will be done. In the second, obliteration of a nation. Why does he hate that so much? What does he hope to accomplish by making them extinct?
It's like bones are the spine of the piece and you've added a few ribs to it, but you're further adding muscle and tendon to it.
I hope that helps. If you come up with something be sure to post it and I'll look it over for ya along with everyone else.

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