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-   -   smoking (http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39348)

MoonRaven 2008-01-22 07:05

smoking
 
this is my first time writing in a long time, so be gentle

smoking
sucking in that sweet cancer
gasp for the last drag of sanity
smoking
breathing in a divine death
hoping for a semblance of clarity
smoking
caught in the wisps of these burning leaves
every ash a loss so dear
smoking
a last resort to reclaim
a second of life once serene
smoking
mourning the moment when
i grind that precious ember into nothingness
smoking
despose of the remains longing
for another filters kiss so sweet
smoking
better than any lovers caress
more faithful than a person could be
smoking
my one true love

Infinity 2008-01-22 09:52

not... good.

The Doctor 2008-01-22 10:09

ahh, i think im gonna light up

Unanything 2008-01-29 15:04

Seems weird. Like one of those adverts that the National Health Service here in the UK make about how to kick the habit, but with more grim, poetic lyrics.

L,B'XXX 2008-01-31 08:56

I think I'd change the title to elude to smoking like "My Truest Flame" or "The Ember that Burns for Only Me." I dunno. I'm having a dull writing time right now. But anyways, I'd also take out the word "smoking" all though it. It lets the piece breathe more like a long comfortable drag and relaxing exhale watching the curls or rings drift off into sun's rays pouring through a window and melding before complete disappearance. Maybe pulling a worry or unpleasant thought away. I'm not condoning smoking, but give what you have a little more shot in the arm and I think it'll be more satisfying. It'll read like a Marlboro instead of a Basic. :)

MoonRaven 2008-01-31 09:42

fair enough, you always got good advice mom

CompelledToLacerate 2008-01-31 15:15

This offends me as a smoker and cancer-endorser. But since I can't do anything about it, I'll just develop a sense of humor. haha.

No, in all seriousness, I liked it.

blitz906 2008-03-12 05:11

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Doctor
ahh, i think im gonna light up

lol yeah, that just made me want to smoke.

L,B'XXX 2008-03-13 14:01

I only smoke during sex.














:p

The Doctor 2008-04-04 09:27

during?! I hope you mean afterwards

Blacklep177 2009-03-04 13:25

lol
 
lol, i doubt he meansafter, pretty sure he said during, i know someone that is the same way, go for a bit, and then go "smoke break" then back at it again, lol..




I agree with the word smoking being repeated too oft', but in general i like some of the imageries, cus i smoke a lot, and that is exactly why i smoke...

... i honestly have trouble believing that is talking only about cigarettes though... just the imagery in a couple lines screamed "this is no cigarette", lol
but thats prolly cus i smoke a lot of pipe tobacco as well.

Mk

Pr0az 2009-03-04 18:17

Wow dude...just wow...get in the back seat and sit there for awhile.

jeffturner 2009-04-16 00:25

Hey
 
That is nice buddy, lets light up a cigg ;)

Wolfsherz 2009-04-16 03:14

Man, ADVANCED SPAM

blitz906 2009-05-01 06:45

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffturner
That is nice buddy, lets light up a cigg ;)

wtf is up with all the links in your signature?

Wolfsherz 2009-05-01 07:05

Well, ADVANCED SPAM

SuspendedByTheThroat 2010-03-03 08:51

omg that was horrible.

and now it makes me want a fucking ciggarette.
& I'm in school, i can't have one 'till lunch in like 4 hours.

:mad:


you should work for the tobacco company.


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