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CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-20 17:44

10,000 Legions
 
I like this one the best. Might even put music to it.

Verse 1:

Unleash hell
Slaughter the weak
Destroy this Empire
End this realm

Purify the plains
Ravage the foes
Kill their beloved ones
Eradicate the heirs

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

Verse 2:

Engulf their armies
Match steel with steel
Purge their cities
Into an endless inferno

Sever the bloodlines
Leave none standing
The is the war
To end all wars

Chorus:

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

Bridge:

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines no longer can stay

Accoustic Break:

Surrender
No need for tears
No need for this war
We only want peace

Look to yourselves
You know the truth
If you desire silence
We will save you (And if you...)

Bridge (back to loudness):

Desire war, carnage, and the urge to maim
You arrogant bastards will see why we came!

(Instrumental Break)

Chorus Breakdown: (2x)

10,000 legions at my command
Here to annihilate the damned
10,000 legions at my authority
Bringing to the world true harmony

On the 3rd time, this overlaps the breakdown;

Genocide is the only way
We'll end your suffering this day
Enjoy an afterlife of tranquillity
Or endure an eternal brutality

6 billion years of violence and decay
It must end this Judgment Day
The cosmos is on the verge of destruction
The legions on the sidelines NO LONGER WILL STAY!!!

L,B'XXX 2007-02-20 19:06

Now that's cool. Good job on that one.

northerndarkness 2007-02-20 23:47

Sweet song! Yeah, deffinately put it to music. Well done on the rhyming stuff.

JOAMdude 2007-02-21 10:22

it's definetly better, but wehn it is so blatant prose stuff, it loses a little bit in all the synonyms for destruction, u know what i mean?

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-21 12:38

No, not exactly. What do you mean?

Requiem 2007-02-21 14:51

I could hear Iron Maiden sing that one

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-21 15:14

Iron Maiden wouldn't have a breakdown ending the song.

Requiem 2007-02-21 15:16

Quote:
Originally Posted by CompelledToLacerate
Iron Maiden wouldn't have a breakdown ending the song.


So

I was only talking about the lyrics and nothing else

JOAMdude 2007-02-21 15:36

What i mean is, if all you have is words in prose, describing the immediate situation the extreme effect of death gets lost in the process of repetition. If there is no base for comparison with other things, the death and destruction gets dumbed down. Don't just say:

Blood pours through the halls, there is skulls and shit!!!!
Some guy impales infested guts with a rusty brutal sword.

Try:

Crimson blanket, surface undisturbed, seeps through the royal battlements
Penetrated, the skin divides, that which is preciously guarded by flesh, cruelly ripped out and remains, vulnerable, on the grimy floor

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-21 21:51

MY diction sucks. That's the problem. I couldn't think of something like that without you or anybody else saying it.

JOAMdude 2007-02-22 14:14

Then try practice or else your writeing will all sound really blunt

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-22 16:19

I'll try doing that, but I personally like blunt material. Just up-front stuff. Then again, this could be because of my poor skills of comprehending metaphors, similes, symbolisms, and so on. It's always been about the plot to me, not the subliminal message.

Plus;

Unleash hell
Slaughter the weak
Destroy this Empire
End this realm

I've been trying to cut down on making long stanzas (is that what they're called?). How could I improve something like this without making it too long?

HAMMERSMASHEDFACE 2007-02-27 11:11

having demolition hammer doing this song would be awesome

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-27 15:52

Who's Demolition Hammer?

HAMMERSMASHEDFACE 2007-02-27 20:17

Quote:
Originally Posted by CompelledToLacerate
Who's Demolition Hammer?

ha ha ha that was funny never heard of dh ha ha ha

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-28 02:32

... I'm serious.

Infinity 2007-02-28 02:38

i thought this kinda sucked to be honest. just thought i'd piss on your parade there ;)

CompelledToLacerate 2007-02-28 02:48

You didn't piss on it. Just toally soaked it in a golden shower..... that oddly tastes like whiskey.... what have you been doing?

Amadeus 2007-02-28 10:15

You know, when I read the title and looked at the first verse my first thought was "å, nu e han igång igen" which roughly translates to " oh, here he goes again" which roughly translates to "when will we see a song about wookies?!"

With the right music it might be quite OK. Though JOAM has a point in that it could benefit from a bit more thought.

HAMMERSMASHEDFACE 2007-02-28 15:13

Quote:
Originally Posted by CompelledToLacerate
... I'm serious.

they are a 80's thrash band they sound like slayer


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