FTT #7: Tales From The Cryptopsy
 

This Story was Created my DerMeister, i Deleted the forest name, and Last names, becuas4e they were motherfuckers to type, as always, i want NO immature shitface crap, No tit, penis, cunt, jokes, if your gonna be funny, be original.
If someone Posts in resposne to the same post as you, and they get there forstm DELETE YOUR POST!
If you want to make a comment to another member on their piece of story, Mark it with a "*", at the end of your story.
Here Goes......


Sorry guys but the wrongly spelt title was annoying me...
Heres it up to date in here



The dusk came creeping into the woods. A wolf howled somewhere in the distance. Our hero, Matti was strolling along the path as fast as he could. He knew he shouldn't be out now, but he had to get to his girlfriend Hienna to warn her. Great danger lurked in these woods. It was then he noticed, as the moon was uncovered, a flash among the trees...





OpethRules
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: Louisville ky
Posts: 861
The flash turned out to be his camera falling from his pocket. He wanted to become the best photographer in all of the land. He remebered what he was out for when he saw a giant......





memnoch
Forum Daemon

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: ont, canada
Posts: 3756
The giant said:
"Hey....need some peas or something?"

Matti replied "no, i don't eat vegetables".

It was at this point that the Giant who was green ran off in fury. Matti was kind of amused at how the Big Giant that was green ran. Once he finished laughing, it was sunrise, and he realized he was too late (or early) to warn his bitch. So he unzipped his pants and.......




mrweijia
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: Jul 2002
Location: I like to eat
Posts: 203
pulled out a tent, a stove and a picnic table from the inside pocket of his pants. he set them up but as soon as they touched the ground...





DELETE79
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Montréal Québec Canada
Posts: 147
TWO HUMAN BLOODY HANDS GET OUT OF THE GROUND AND GRAB HIS ANKLE
AND START TO PULL HIM UNDER THE GROUND.




OpethRules
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: Louisville ky
Posts: 861
He was taken to an underground world, full of the best "underground" metal bands around. He was having an awesome time, when suddenly he realized....





Head_split_Open
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: May 2002
Location: help! im locked in some crazy man's trunk!!
Posts: 158
his left leg had turned into a hamsterball...




CtHuLhU DaWn
Supreme Metalhead

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 776
And his right arm a Birdhouse...

Matti was thought to himself "damn, this is a hell of a situation i've gotten myself into here... i better solve it by...

Stepping out of the machine that turns Left legs into Hamsterballs, and Right Arms into Birdhouses...

..Matti thought to himself this is fucking screwy..as he strolled on he came across this huge badger hole, he dared to look, but without temptation..he peered down the badger hole..and looking straight back at him were these huge slitty red eyes..he knew this was no badger...foolishly matti..stuck his head right down the hole..and ''it'' growled..matti tryed speaking to ''it'' but it spoke no reply..so then as matti was about to remove his head from the hole..the so-what beast..took at swipe at him..as blood was trickling from his face..''OH FUCKIN BASTARD'' matti yelled...he was furious, he thought fuck this man, and...

Offered the beast a cupcake...

..The beast couldnt resist, as he scoffed the cupcake.. he said....i am the badger-eating-beast, but i would never turn down a good cupcake..thankyou very much, a quick crack from the tail...and he went back down his hole...matti thought to himself ''that was unusually close'' he walked on a felt really hungry thinking how stupid it was to give away the cupcake, he only just remembered that he had a freshly warm double cheese pizza in his bag..he took it out and slowly ate munch by munch...just when he was about to finish it...

...The Reaper himself came wandering along the path. He was eating crunchy biscuits with vanilla flavor. "Damn, they look good", thought Matti. He stopped and shouted:"hey, Reaper, wanna trade your crunchy biscuits for my pizza?". The Reaper turned around and.....

..He said ''what u must be kidding these vanilla flavour biscuits are delicious'' and then matti went back to eating his pizza, by this time matti is starting to ache so he whipped out his phone and ordered a moped from ''mopeds r us'' (hehe) he waited and waited and nothing came, this had been hours and hours, matti was really pissed off..so he decided..

to cry, because he had wasted his last dime on that moped that never came... he had to think of something for transportation... using what resources he had, he contructed a pogo stick out of a bunny and a tree branch... this was working well, so he started off on his way again...

He suddenly tripped over some gravel in the road, and when he saw what was in front of him he let out a scream............

it was in fact the largest scream-inducing ray gun hes ever seen! as big as an antelope it was.. and it shot him... that being the cause of the scream... he then stood up on his pogo bunny-stick and was on his way again...

..it was getting dark, so he settled in a hollowed out tree nearby, he decided for the dangers that may be ahead, to make his bunny-pogo-stick slightly a bit more advanced..in his backpack..were 2 uzi guns..with no ammo...''bollocks'' he quoted and sat there to think about what to do...something struck his mind :idea: he knew it was crazy but he thought what the heck and pulled out everyone one of his teeth and slotted them into the uzi clip...he attached them onto the pogo stick..he was getting tired from pulling out all his teeth..

there was blood gushing from his mouth and since he was definitely feeling woozy from all the excruciating pain it took to take out all his teeth, and because of his all blood loss, he passed out........

as he was passed out, he was then dismembered and molested by a passerby... when he awakened... he was in shock... he was nothing but a torso and a head... with no teeth... "damn fuckery!" he swore in his mind.."now i must think of a way out of this... maybe if i...

just wait..........something might just happen."

and it did. a wolf came around and ate all of Matti's members; his entire body. He was eaten back to life. He burst from that wolf's stomach with a new sense of elation; boundless energy, euphoria fixation. but.....

someon stole his gun, he cursed, "shit," and walked around looking
for tracks. soon he got hungry, but without teeth, he couldn't eat the
wolf carcass, "fuck," he cursed again, when suddenly

...a flock of pigs came flying towards him (ehehehe the irony!) he was in luck!, he had to figure out how to get them down, so he searched and searched the floor, by this time the flying pigs were nearly out of sight, he found a sharpened stick by the tree..''what the fuck?!'' he thought '' i didnt sharpen any stick'' he only just remembered in his past life that someone dismembered him, he wiped the blood off the pointed stick, and started to catch speed, he wasnt very far from them now

the flying pigs lead him into a forest, he couldnt see them up above, he tripped over a tree root, ''OH! FUCK MUTHA FUCKING SHIT!!!'' he gave the tree one big KICK!..he waited.....and suddenly WHAM FLUMp! WHAM! three flying pigs came falling out of the tree, 'ahahahaha there you are you bastards!' he quoted, he started stabbing them with joy,without actually having to be clever - they were all dead,the blood was pissing out of the pig, this was not a delightful sight thought matti, but he had to survive this way killing animals, he sighed, he had an idea :idea: he didnt have any teeth so with this way, he got these too sticks nearby, and pulled out each of the pigs teeth 1 by 1, ''yes'' he said! ''they make not look very good but atleast i can eat with these mutha fuckers'', he pierced the pigs teeth slowly into his skin, he then went off to find some firewood, as he hid the dead-teethless pigs in the hedge..

he heard a sound... a sound unlike any sound hes ever heard... the sound of... THE OSTRICH... now this wasnt just an ostrich, this was THE OSTRICH and THE OSTRICH had a sharpened candy cane for a right wing thingy.... "DAMN!" shouted Matti as he ran away... faster and faster through the night... and all of a sudden "BOOOOCCKKKAAAAARRRKKK!!!!"... GOD NO! IT CANT BE?! it was.... the terrifying super-pissed techno-rooster... the rooster DEVOURED THE OSTRICH like it was nothing... "holy shit" thought Matti, "im going to die.." but then he had a BRILLIANT PLAN! Matti thought to himself "If only i had a....

..Anti-ostrich gun...

so out of his magical pants which contain many magical things he pulled out an anti-bird gun, and he shot the rooster, and then he decided to...