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-   -   "Would You" (http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16055)

L,B'XXX 2004-12-01 19:04

"Would You"
 
Thanks for the read.

"Would You"

Would you take hold of my hand if I was lost in the desert
And lead me back to where the cool streams flow
Would you quench my thirst with sweet wine by the firelight
Would you smile for me
Would you love me
Would you love me

I sigh at the prospect of not holding you
I weep tears that burn my eyes blood red
I hold fast to all the things you said to me
Would you ever say them again

One look from you and that's all it took
All my defenses dissolved
Oh, why couldn't it have been different
I felt like prisoner in paradise
Felt the passion of southern breezes
Dazzling diamonds sparkled on our eye lashes
As we huddled to reach warm shelter
In the flurry of winter winds

Slipped down fast in a landslide
Lost my grip on your hand
As I fell
I cried out your name
But you weren't listening to me
Will I ever hear you say my name again

Would you take hold of my hand if I was lost in the desert
And lead me back to where the cool streams flow
Would you quench my thirst with sweet wine by the firelight
Would you smile for me
Would you love me
Would you love me

I sigh at the prospect of not holding you
I weep tears that burn my eyes blood red
I hold fast to all the things you said to me
Would you ever say them again

Would you love me
Would you love me
Or would the world that I knew come to an end

BJH
11/30/2004

blizzard_beast 2004-12-01 19:37

sounds like some kind of tina turner song ;)

Edit: actually pretty cool, hits a lot of emotional chords in me. IMO it would be much better if there weren't so much "would you love me" parts, overall pretty good for a non-metal song

guitar_demon 2004-12-01 20:07

i will :D

L,B'XXX 2004-12-01 21:24

bli'be'-- Now that you mention it I can see that. I never gave that style a thought. Good to know I got some emotion stirred. That's a positive thing for a writer.

gui'de'--You'd drop me and you know it. ;)

My biggest thing I'm wondering about is the tenses I've used. If one of the grammar Nazi's around here would give it a once over I'd love to argue. :)
And there is one thing I will change now. I said southern winds and winter winds and I don't like that. Southern breezes sounds better.

Thanks for the comments. I appreciate it.

guitar_demon 2004-12-01 22:25

Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
b. Southern breezes sounds better.

.

"southern breeze makes me feel fine!"


ah whats that from???

andrewc 2004-12-02 01:12

Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX

gui'de'--You'd drop me and you know it. ;)


give him a chance ay ;)

nah that is actually really good, ma'am. very impressed, i can hear that against an opeth kind of song :angel:

L,B'XXX 2004-12-02 07:28

Quote:
Originally Posted by guitar_demon
"southern breeze makes me feel fine!"


ah whats that from???



You're thinking of Summer Breeze either old school by Seals and Crofts or the newer one by Type O Negative. I like them both although the latter took me awhile to get used to.

deMANUfacture 2004-12-02 07:45

i love this song, it would really fit with the song im writing for this chik

L,B'XXX 2004-12-02 08:00

Any chance of me hearing it if you hook it up? You may borrow the lyrics if you'd like, but if you make money on it I want credit and I have the copyright on the lyric. :)

deMANUfacture 2004-12-02 08:34

cool i mite just use these lyrics, I dont usually write songs for people but this girl is somethin diff and we will both be movin to diff places soon and she is very cut about that and i just want her to know its all good.

If i do a good bang up job of the song ill try and record it on a 4trak and put it up for u to hear.
But i warn now it will be a more soft song with a john mayer feel to it. or i mite go all out and put piano instead of guitar and try for a Coldplay/the scientist feel song.

obrien20 2004-12-02 13:39

Would you really want to hurt me;
Would you really want to make me cry;


Weeding Singer song! :D :D

L,B'XXX 2004-12-02 14:15

Quote:
Originally Posted by deMANUfacture
cool i mite just use these lyrics, I dont usually write songs for people but this girl is somethin diff and we will both be movin to diff places soon and she is very cut about that and i just want her to know its all good.

If i do a good bang up job of the song ill try and record it on a 4trak and put it up for u to hear.
But i warn now it will be a more soft song with a john mayer feel to it. or i mite go all out and put piano instead of guitar and try for a Coldplay/the scientist feel song.



Well, I love Coldplay and JohnMayer so go for it. Even if you can do a melody line or something. Preferably with staved music instead of tabs. I'd like to know what you come up with. Shoot, sound recorder works for me ! haha

Sounds like a plan. :)


obrien --stfu ....but I'm saying that nicely. If this makes a million dollars and none of your songs do, I will be first to give you an autographed copy that says NYAH!!!!!!!

andrewc 2004-12-02 20:36

lmao at obrien. :D

deMANU thats good stuff mate, chicks love that kind of treatment ;)

deMANUfacture 2004-12-03 04:05

Well andrewc im not usually a ladies man, i see potential in the lyrics that fit with some chords ive been playin with and well i thought just once id treat a lady like she should be treated.

and lbxxx if you like those performers u mite like what im tryin to do with it, i am also goin to through in a line in my native language of Maori right at the end.

L,B'XXX 2004-12-03 08:11

Hey, that's cool. I don't mind other languages. In fact, I think it's pretty neat myself. And yours is one I'm not familiar with.

Slabbefusk 2004-12-03 08:12

I would love you L,B'XXX.

Trendkill 420 2004-12-03 20:26

Quote:
Originally Posted by obrien20
Would you really want to hurt me;
Would you really want to make me cry;


Weeding Singer song! :D :D


Hahahahahha,
i was thinkin it.

Good shit though lbxxx.
I'm having a beer or two tonight, i may pollute my thread some more this eve'.

L,B'XXX 2004-12-03 22:00

Slabbefusk--Didn't I tell you to slam your norwegian noodle in a door?

Trendk'--I can hardly wait to read that. :p ;)

guitar_demon 2004-12-03 22:18

hes sweedish:p

L,B'XXX 2004-12-03 22:22

They all look alike to me. :rolleyes:


(And I know that. I was trying to bug him.Shhh...don't tell him ;) )


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