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-   -   The Oak Lament (http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15200)

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-28 16:18

The Oak Lament
 
To die in sweet serenity
Tis all I've ever wanted
Bury me under an oak tree
Flesh will become one with the dark soil
For every season that pass
I passed on from this place
Without a dim regret
Symphonys I hear,lying here
Whispers of the forest are lullebies to me

A Child in Slumber
Never to awake

Shadows Crumber
Into darkened corners

Into A Place
Where I Lay

All said their goodbyes
As I found serenity
Dancing with other spirits in the woods
Disappearing into nothingless
Planting seeds of memory in stone hearts
Who choose to forget so quickly
Songs fly with the wind
On wings of lighting storms
To the hall up high

A Child in Slumber
Never to awake

Shadows Crumber
Into darkened corners

Into A Place
Where I Lay

Whipe me out from your minds
I've found my place
Even if no mortal will remember
The oak will never forget
From who's flesh he's fed
New leaves appear and fall again
To the soil where I lay
For only one season they come
Only to sing
For life lost to give life

Trendkill_420 2004-10-29 06:08

That's a cool fucking poem man.
:beer:

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-29 10:50

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trendkill_420
That's a cool fucking poem man.
:beer:


Thanx :)
and.. I'm a woman

L,B'XXX 2004-10-29 17:28

Yep, that was pretty cool. There's a couple probably typoed places like in the fifth line , should that be 'passed' or 'passes' ? 'Pass' just doesn't sound right to me. The fifth part , 4th line --'nothingless' ? Is that right? Should it be nothingness or two words-- nothing less ?

That's the only things I see I'd comment about. The piece was very nice. I enjoyed the imagery a lot. The title is good, too.

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-29 19:01

Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
,should that be 'passed' or 'passes' ? 'Pass' just doesn't sound right to me. The fifth part , 4th line --'nothingless' ? Is that right? Should it be nothingness or two words-- nothing less ?



in the line "For every season that PASS" the Pass is right because I'm talking about any season, therefore a cycle. no if I was refering to a specific season it would be Passed

And the Nothingless is also right. there is no such word as Nothingness, as you suggested.
For example: "and see that nothingless is all" (Therion - Lemuria)
" Life suffers defeat Lunar strain From nothingless to reality As we see it From nothingless to life ......" (In Flames - Lunar Strain)

L,B'XXX 2004-10-29 20:23

Well, I was thinking 'nothingless' could be poetic license. "nothingness" is in my Oxford American Dictionary and means --nonexistence, faded into nothingness.
This doesn't have some words in it and "nothingless" is one that isn't.

Thanks for the clarifications though.

Soulinsane 2004-10-29 21:01

MarquisaWolf, I love it. I really do. Some of the best stuff I have seen here in a while :beer:

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-29 21:17

Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Well, I was thinking 'nothingless' could be poetic license. "nothingness" is in my Oxford American Dictionary and means --nonexistence, faded into nothingness.
This doesn't have some words in it and "nothingless" is one that isn't.

Thanks for the clarifications though.



That's pretty odd, since in all the poetry I have ever read it always is nothingless... :confused:
ohh well..

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-29 21:20

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulinsane
MarquisaWolf, I love it. I really do. Some of the best stuff I have seen here in a while :beer:


thanx, and.. hmm is that beer for me? cause you know... I only drink the dark kind :cool:

Soulinsane 2004-10-29 21:32

Whatever you want. That was a nice write :beer:

I can't even point out what I like about it, but I like it. You ever read or heard a song like that?

Cheers! This drink of mine is for you :drunk:

MarquisaWolf 2004-10-31 13:35

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulinsane
You ever read or heard a song like that?


Nope, can't say I have.

Soulinsane 2004-11-28 00:27

Well please post some more of your writings. I just reread this one because I remember it was good, but now I remember it was just great. In fact I think it is about the best thing I have ever read on this site. Something about it is comforting to be. Just beautiful like an AIC song!


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