FTT #5: It Came from Outer Space

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Ok, new FTT, i want NO Penis, No Tit, No cunt jokes, if your going to be funny, be fucking mature and imaginative and not vulgar.
No Swearing Either, it makes for stupid and pointless and umimaginative segment


If someone posts before you and your post comes after and doesn't fit with the story DELETE IT!

Try and keep this Semi-Serious.



Little Jeremy Hibbit was lying in his bed, it was 3am, he had been unalbe to sleep due to the bluegreen light shining behind his curtains, it had been there for the past 20minutes, Finally Curiosity got the better of him, and he opened the curtains, outside he saw a revolving disk, Emmiting a turquoise glow, Jeremy shouted.
"MUM!"
"DAD!"
But all that came back was a grumble, he ran through to his parents bedroom, and he got them up, they went through and the glow was gone, but a shadow darted across the room and there was a hole in the window, Jeremys parents were mad, he had broken a window, he was in deep trouble, the saucer was GONE!
The shadow moved once again, like a cheetah on speed, it bolted...Jeremy...

[Head_split_Open]

had 4 simultaneous heart attacks and was quickly rushed to the hospital... On the way to the hospital, he was molested several times by one of the paramedics named Gavin, whom really enjoyed little boys.... anyway, upon arrival, they noticed that Jeremy had a green light-bulb that kept flashing coming out of his ear... it didnt look of this planet.. it looked... alienistic... foreign even... they didnt know what to think, or how to explain to the parents... So Dr. Dingus had to think of something to tell the boys parents fast... he finally thought up something. He went to the waiting room and said, "Mr and Mrs Hibbit...

[flamingnun]

i hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're son's been shopping in that mexican light store i suggest that you....

[Head_split_Open]

spank him"...

[powersofterror]

all of the sudden, the light inside his head turned a dark red, he stood up, and started speaking in tongue

[flamingnun]

with a....

[powersofterror]

@ my last post- p.s. that was a side


continuing on...-base ball bat

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Jeremy inside the room had fallen to the floor and was shaking, his face was streatching, he was transforming, he stood up and his head hit the roof...
"how queer" thought Jeremy...

[Head_split_Open]

**Good save Powers... i hate when that shit gets all tangled up :)

[powersofterror]

yup*


....then jeremy sees himself in the mirror, and sees a demon staring back at
him...

[flamingnun]

but then realises that demons(evil things) have no reflections, and that he was in fact looking at his britney spears poster, which he found was glowing ...

[powersofterror]

"his" briteny spears poster in thehospital ?????
:p oh well....

so then the picture starts talking, and it says...

[Head_split_Open]

"FART STINKS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!" and then the poster bursts into flames...

[far_beyond_sane]

He stared at the poster, marvelling at how sometimes breasts may spontaneously combust.

Vladimir Nabokov appeared, out from around the side of a Toxic Waste bin, sliding into view like Austin Powers. He leered, and straightened, gently swingin his head from side to side with the mien of a very, very heavy drug user. He sneered.

"You stupid little boy. You could not possibly know the extent of the powers you attempt to stand in the face of. History will grind you into dust and blow you into the sands of time, where you will be nothing more than grit on the polished face of eternity..."

A crackling noise.

Nietzsche falls through the roof, tumbling over and over until he hits a pile of washing and sits up, still groggy from the fall.

"MORTALS!" he roars "What is this rubbish you pander? You will all die in the face of the Lightening and the Thunder, swept apart with the divine rain that is the SUPERMAN!"

The others stared.

"Are you sure you don't mean... erm... " the voice faltered under Nietzsche's iron glare.

"Accept your mortality, you peasant..." he muttered hoarsely...

[mrweijia]

"I am Nietzsche!!" he cries, "it is I who shall overtake the world..... of pop music"
and in saying so, he grabs the russian dude and rips out his heart, using it as a....

[Head_split_Open]

a hairbrush.... he began brushing his hair with it as he turned to jeremy and said...

[flamingnun]

Aint yet a girl, not yet a woman..
:angry:

[Tattered]

..the hairbrush starts speaking..and says quickly get out of this place, before..

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

"they" Come.....

[Head_split_Open]

"they" being a secret government ogranization out to popularize the use of genetically altered super dingos in police departments....

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Now this was no laughing matter, Jeremy was now screwed, he couldnlt go outside and face his family, because he was kinda... an 8ft tall demonic Kangaroo, but if he remained "they" would kidnap him and use him in their experiments, what to do.

I KNOW! said Jeremy, he would....

[Head_split_Open]

steal a hobo and wear his skin as a costume!!... brilliant...

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Like Communism, this worked in theory, but unfortunatley when put in practise it flopped like a lepers cock in a porn shop.

What jeremy REALLY needed was a flying cabbage of some sort, this would be sure to save him.
but how to get one....?
Suddenly the door opened, it was....

[Head_split_Open]

an EVIL MONKENANNA*!!! " CRAP!" said jeremy, not knowing what to do... but then he had a plan, he would...


*Monkenanna - monkey on the outside, bananna on the inside.. its constantly turning itself inside-out and vise versa trying to consume itself

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Befriend the monkenanna, and make it do his bidding....

"so, hows being a MONKENANNA working out for ya...?"
"it pays the bills"
"so, wanna team up and take down "they"
"ok"
"cool"

Now Jeremy and the MONKENANNA were set, They needed just ONE thing for their odyssey, it is.....

[Head_split_Open]

a talking cactus...

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

which they found, underneath the jumping Beetroot, who was....

[Tattered]

...lighting up a spliff...:stoned: ...as the cactus was about to inhale...

[Head_split_Open]

taking a bath at the time.. until monkenanna and jeremy busted in like a couple of G's and did a 187 on his ass... poor beetroot.. anyway, having acquired the cactus, their next objective was now clear... they would have to...

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Get to"they"'s Secret base, which according to the insane TV Remote in the fish tank, was in south korea...
How would they get there...

Jeremy and the MONKENANNA pondered,l Jeremy couldnlt think, thoughts like "if i was to spontainously repruduce a being which was half monkey, half bananna, what would i get?".....
Earth safe-ness was in their hands, earth was now property of "they" and jeremy and the MONKENANNA woyld do anything to get it back...

"HOLY SHIT!!!!!" shouted Jermey

It was a flying cabbage of some sort!

"WE'RE SAVED!" shouted jeremy
"hmm..." said the MONKENANNA

Jeremy got on the flying cabbage of some sort and flew to the "they" base, where he got down and....

[walpurgis]

...got hit in the head with a flying Budweiser can. Just then, a 3 foot black leprechaun wearing a yammukah dropped down and said "top of the day to ye, arsehole!" and started laughing insanely. This really Pissed off the Monkennanna, because they by nature hate green and hate Jews, so he did what any Monkennanna would, he went apeshit and beat the holy hell out of the Leprechaun.

Well pretty soon the Leprechaun called in reinforcements, but a platoon of Navy SEALs suddenly emerged from the cabbage and kicked ass, I mean fucking total ass, on the Leprechaun army that was coming to fight the Monkennanna. Jeremy watched in amazement as the SEALs beat ass, then they disappeared after all of the Leprechauns were dead.

"Holy shit dude, I mean, holy shit" was the only thing that uttered from Jeremy's mouth, and the Monkenanna turned itself inside out once again, so Jeremy picked it up and headed for the base of "they" when...

[atifman]

the "they" base security guards were onto them and following them. they were angry oversized turtles in suits and sunglasses that walked on two feet. as they waddled nearer and nearer , they started shooting their peanutbutter guns. jeremy and Monkenanna were definitely slowed down because of the peanut butter stuck to their shoes. Monkenanna said, "i know what to do!". he turned to his banana form and shed his peel. Monkennana was like "don't look at me, i'm buck nekked!". the turtle security guards were like "oh snap!". they were distracted by Monkenanna's nakedness and they slipped on the peel and fell on their backs, so it was gonna be a while til they got back up. they were shellshocked. Jeremy was like, "aah, what a relief". but that's when the gangster octopuses showed up who......

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Packed one hell of a tenticle whip, Jeremy was shouing "HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS FUCK ON A DONKEY IN SCOTLAND!"

jeremy and the MONKENANNA ran and hid behind the conveniantly placed boxes, and picked up the conveniantly placed Cucumber lazer, and fired away.

"MUWAHAHAHAHA!" shouted Jeremy
"EEP! RETREAT, THIS CRAZY FOO' HAS A CUCUMBER LAZER!"

and they did, jermy and the MONKENANNA walked into "they"'s base and Suddenly freezed, for what he was was heart stoppingly frightening....it looked like...

[atifman]

a fat man without his shirt.........

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

HE was...
Jeremy peered closer, He was an english tourist...

[se7engates3613]

oh shit. Not an english tourist. But worse yet it was the English Tourist. He couldn't help but gyrate his massive hips to hot funk beats. And that's when he began to rap. Man. I just want a fuckin' sandwich. I'm so sick of splitting my pants when I get out of my car. Mutha Fuckas. I went to Subway and they thought I was that bitch Jared. Shit. I need some food. I think i'll go to the..........

[atifman]

market for a salad"

Jeremy was like ":idea: hey fat english tourist guy, you like salads eh? why don't you take this cucumber, you might wanna put it in your salad"

the english tourist was like, "alright" and he took a huge bite out of the cucumber lazer which...

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

shot out the back of his head making a hole in his head which was spewing out gummie bears, SCORE! thought jeremy, as he pocketed these prestidgious items and dandered off further into the base...where he...

[metal=life]

.....met a hot girl..perhaps metalgraingirl...

[powersofterror]

before she came closer, jeremy began to strut so he would look cool
when she came up, he started to hit on her, she said,"....

[PST 88]

If you keep talking to me, slayme's gonna punch you in the throat."

Jeremy freaked out and ran around the corner to find...

[powersofterror]

slayme standing there with a base ball bat. jeremy begged for forgiveness,
but slayme was having a bad day, so he decked jeremy in the throat...
and then busted his kneecaps with the bat...

[slayme_returns]

as slayme looked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being watched, he spontaneously combusted. his body parts were then struck by lightning and the ashes pissed on by a dog.

[powersofterror]

the dog, which was actually jeremy's chew toy, then went over and
started to chew on jeremy while he was on the floor in pain
mmg, was watching this whole time and couldn't keep her sides
in,
she was laughing so hard...

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

while Slaymes ashes were digested by a pothead carrot....

[PST 88]

which, controlled by slayme's ashes, went on a killing spree at a nearby Immolation concert with a Desert Eagle, tragically releasing a .50 caliber pistol bullet into memnoch's stomach. memnoch, stunned and hurt, looked at the pothead carrot/slayme and said "...

[memnoch]

IIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH>!>>!?!??!?!?!?!

Memnoch proceeded to run onstage and steal a guitar, so he could play alongside this legendary band right before he died.

[memnoch]

Fuck i hate this stupid story shit......posts always get all fucked up.

[Rockabilly]

.....steve irwin jumps onto the carrot and battles with it which also consisted of alot of "WOAH THERE MATEY" and "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS BLIGHTER!" and he decked it to the floor......

[atifman]

so while steve irwin assfucked the carrot ("strewth! this here bugger's a tight one"), Jeremy and Monkennanna finally infiltraited the "they" fortress. and once he saw what was in the "they" fortress, he realized why he infiltraited that base in the first place which was.......

[Rockabilly]

free tickets to see slayer in concert and free humourous t-shirts for everybody.....

[CtHuLhU DaWn]

Which was "they"'s secret scam....


there stood, Jeremy the 8ft demonic kangaroo, Goku, a jumping beetroot, a talking cactus, gohan, Vegeeta and a flying cabbage
Witht he legendary MONKENANNA, like a dog after its tail, kept flipping inside out and back trying to consume itself...

Facing
200 Octomafia
400 Sea Cucumbers
And "they"

[Rockabilly]

but then all of 'they' couldn't be arsed with all the hassle of killin good ol jeremy, so they all went for a smoke :stoned:.....

[powersofterror]

'they' actually turned out to be his parents and the doctor

[atifman]

and Monkenana turned out to be his cunt. yes, Jeremy was hallucinating all this time. someone had slipped shrooms into his daily power shake. so all those adventures really did not happen.

so the moral of the story is, don't take hallucinogens.


THE END

[powersofterror]

wow




YAYYY! 500 POSTS, I'M HALF WAY THERE!!!!!:birthday:
I WANT A COOKIE

[Soulinsane]

Holy shit, I'm a nOOB and drunk! Unfinished RTT from the ancient dead! Why?

[BeastOfCarrion]

because its not an RTT its an FTT jackass